How many have heard something of an axiom that women love confidence in a man? I have known a number of men who have been desperate to get a girlfriend and that kind of man always seems like one who has the hardest time actually getting one!
I talk a lot about women being treated like prizes for a man. Part of that includes women who eagerly get out the hoops for other men to jump through for her sake–a power game. Likewise–and even out of women’s own mouths I’ve heard this–even wives will use sex with their husbands like rewards for them, as well as withholding themselves as punishment.
The scene is horrible and sinful, but I just want to call attention again to men’s “need” for women as an affirmation that he should already have; a godly woman is attracted to a “man on a mission” and be a helper in every way. The man who is exciting and downright unpredictable, maybe even introducing some dangers, can utterly inspire a corresponding adventuresome spirit in a woman. And the adventure–the man’s true hunt–is for God, who enlightens, fulfills, protects, and brings men to life in His love.
Here is the central point I want to make at the moment: whether you want a wife or girlfriend or no woman at all, there is a major need to attack this notion that a woman is an indicator of a man being “good enough.” The unfortunate fact is that many married men receive only a severely tainted and polluted love from their wives–love that is very conditional or half-hearted, fundamentally not considering a man intrinsically worth as much as themselves (equally unfortunate is a married woman who is unloved). We have a MAJOR weak point if a woman’s love, happiness, and/or approval is tied to our sense of worth, and it’s opened the door for many women to get on a judgmental high-horse as far as men are concerned and many other forms of exploitation.
God gave Eve to Adam for a reason, and it wasn’t for this hoop-jumping nonsense. She is responsive, nurturing, encouraging, and just plain works hard just like a man does in the joint-effort of the daily grind. Spiritually, they are also to be eager participants to the fullest of their abilities in the Body of Christ. The feminine woman offers an atmosphere of total safety–NOT a challenge on behalf of some evil “prove your worth” scheme.
The Godly woman will love a man’s attitude of an utterly nothing-to-prove confidence, and this is pretty much common knowledge. She’ll love your fortitude that not even SHE can move you in your determination of self-preservation–to love yourself, as Christ loves you–and to follow your mission which is for the Lord, as that what PRECEDES a man’s abilities fulfill a woman’s needs: a man is to love his wife as his own flesh (which is to say, the foundation of this is that a man knows how to love and protect himself). He simultaneously does not settle with taking damage from a woman but is also patient with her with a godly patience.
But there are women with a parasite’s attitude toward a man, manipulative with emotion, treating men like he’s to have unlimited blood for her to drain. She’s totally her worst enemy for getting anything that she actually needs from a man.
There are obviously GREAT reasons for a man to want to find a wife! But it’s really important to understand situations (i.e. relationships) that can defeat the purpose of their intent.
It begins with knowing that a man is “good enough” today, inasmuch as having a wife is not the deciding factor either way. If we think (even unconsciously) we need a woman to be “good enough,” it’s immediately a sign that we need to re-examine ourselves and find our worth in Christ.
While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. The love that comes from God is one that esteems our value of the utmost preciousness BEFORE we did anything to “earn” it–while we were still POWERLESS and even sinful! Any message that says otherwise–that a man has to earn his value elsewhere–is from Satan and in conflict with God. And Satan would cook up any scheme imaginable to rob us of the surpassing love and riches of Christ.
Let’s shut this door and nail it shut so nothing can steal our value from us, married or not! 😉
Self-Defensive Christian Man 
James
/ February 28, 2018I have recently been taking this message to heart. I have felt for years, perhaps decades that I am on this endless treadmill of trying to find worth through another person. Because I couldn’t find any opinion on this matter, I assumed this is just how life is… But this article really gives me confidence than I can end the treadmill, that I can learn to take on identity of innate value, as opposed to how strong, smart and rich I am. Additionally, that value does not lie in any sort of trophy wife. That is a refreshing message, but one that probably needs to be read each morning, so as to not fall easily back into the society norm.
selfdefensiveman
/ March 4, 20181 Corinthians 1: 26
For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth.
I’m extremely pleased to think that you might be set free from any and all notions of feeling like you have to earn your value before the Lord, or that His love is controlled by others’ approvals. The message of Scripture has EVERYTHING against such bondage being over a man, even though there is so much godlessness poison in mainstream Christianity.
I’m as vulnerable as anyone myself, and I have to give myself many reminders of this all the time. Satan slithers about as a raging murderer and would steal the knowledge of the love that the Lord has for us, and unfortunately the “family of God’ cares nothing to be aware of his schemes and even proves to be a vessel for his destructive purposes. Yes – it takes a lot of special effort for us, especially as men, to find these protective messages within culture to dwell on.
farmlegend
/ March 2, 2018When you get the address of this Godly Woman Warehouse, please text it to me.
selfdefensiveman
/ March 4, 2018Ha, will do. 😉 But there are women out there who have some inkling in the direction that I described, and many more than we might think are in tune with their instincts – God’s design for women is VERY good.
awayfromthetormet
/ March 15, 2018I like this article, but it is pushed on us young guys to get a girl ssoooooo much, i sometimes feel inadequate. That is because it is hard for me to get a girl’s attraction, and then they’ll probably try to screw me up like most of them will just because. Ugh.
So much hypocrisy they have too, and they like to get cold and lie. A great many anyhow. Ugh.
selfdefensiveman
/ March 16, 2018It really is. And it’s hyped so much of the achievement it is and how it’s such a height that us lowly, lowly guys need to rise and become worthy to achieve, as if women were perfect goddesses to whom we are subject of judgment. And they wonder why “men are visual” (a lie)? After pedestalizing women into an intimidating thing rather than something wonderful, beautiful, and ANYTHING but threatening or something that’s there to put men down.
But isn’t God’s will liberating when we realize: suitable helper. We’re in nearly equal numbers, just as God made one Eve for one Adam, and she wasn’t some trophy he had to earn for his worth, but a helper who sticks with him on all stages of his journey with every dimension that it takes.
Keep fighting on, sir! 😉 The Lord is on your side when you resist those notions of feeling “inadequate” or feeling like women are to be a measurement of a man’s worth. And, women are people, like men: valuable but flawed, in need of the Lord’s mercy, meant to be loved, but not worshipped.